Coconut Dreams

Desmond Oshiwambo

Hello, my name is Desmond Oshiwambo.  I am the managing director of the popular ficticious record label Oshiwambo Records.

When I am not busy signing new artists or sitting in my beach hut, sipping on a cool glass of Malibu whilst dreaming of coconuts and fashioning new musical instruments from pieces of discarded driftwood …  I like to mingle.

I like the word ‘mingle’ not only because it rhymes with the word jingle (one of my favourite musical words) but it means ‘associating with others’, another definate hobby of mine.  Mingling is usually a harmless activity and I have been a mingler now for sometime now, however, mingling does not always go without consequence!  Ultimately, it was the mingling with a voodoo priestess and an innocent IT professional that led to the creation of this very website.

Before said mingle,  I was afraid of computers.  It was my good friend Ritakookoo’s idea who suggested the liaison with the IT contractor to try relieve me of my technophobia.  So there we were, mingling away. Me, Ritakookoo, and an unwitting IT guru who really had no idea what was going on.  The mingling was going well,  the IT guru was telling me all about computers;  I was trying to listen but my mingling nature, my general lack of interest and my passion for the bongo’s twisted the discussion in my favour and i’m sorry to say that bongo’s became the conversational flavour.  I could sense Ritakookoo getting a little frustrated with this; she had arranged this meeting for my own good and she could see that I was not really trying, perhaps I was too afraid to face my own technological inadequacies.  She scuttled off into a back room.

IT Guru and I continued our conversation about the four basic strokes of bongo playing (the open tone, the slap, the heel-tip movement, and the basic muted tone). We could hear Ritakookoo banging and chanting in the back room and although to an untrained ear it would be dismissed as noise (or perhaps a ritual) we could hear a definate rhythm! I whipped out my bongo’s (from my bag) and a spare pair for ITG and tapped along.  R L R R L R R L R L etc. (right, left).  For someone new to the bongo’s ITG started to pick it up quite quickly, he was clearly a natural. We were just getting into a dualing bongo anthemic high when the background noise came to an abrupt halt, the door swung open and in burst Ritakookoo carrying a coconut. Without a word she handed it to us.  I had not had a coconut since breakfast (and ITG didn’t look like he had either) so we lapped it up greatfully.  ‘What type of coconut is thissshhh…’, then thud. I dribbled slightly, mumbled and passed out.

I awoke several hours later, my head was hurting. ITG was nowhere to be seen and Ritakookoo sat opposite with a cheeky toothless grin.  The bone in her noise was twitching with excitement, she was desperate to say something.  ‘Ritakookoo, what did you do?’ I slurred. ‘I’ll tell you if you fix my laptop’, she handed me a broken laptop.  I switched it on. ‘Great!’ I thought ‘Conficker’ virus.  Installed AVG, spybot S&D and then it struck me ! boot up in safe mode and check the registry.  And then something else struck me ‘HOW THE…’ . Ritakookoo’s grin widenend, she had worked her magic and bestowed me with IT knowledge and confidence. Thanks Ritakookoo !

ITG is now a grade 8 percussionist and plays with Orchestra’s all over the world.  I have signed him to Oshiwambo Records !

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